Mixed Episode

I'm finding it hard to concentrate. My mind is darting on fifty things at once because I'm so frustrated about something. There is an issue going on in my life that needs to be settled that it very very important to me and it's causing me a lot of stress.

As I mentioned in my last post, I can't just let it go and wait for the process to take it's place, my mind goes everywhere with it. The company I'm having problems with will affect my daily life, are they doing this on purpose, am I over reacting, do they know how this is affecting me, are they really doing what they claim they are doing? And on and on and on.

I'm so depressed I can't stand it but at the same time my mind is racing. It makes me feel like I'm going to explode - in slow motion.

I'm on so many prescriptions to control my Bipolar and have something to take when I'm anxious or can't sleep. If I'm depressed and anxious at the same time do I take something for anxiety? I guess so. I'm depressed so I should be able to sleep, but I'm anxious at the same time because of what is going on so I should take something to sleep. This is such a struggle in my mind. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

I don't know if it's the same for everyone with Bipolar II but one of the things that is very important to me is for things to be finished... things to be settled. I don't like loose ends in my life - it makes me feel unsettled and anxious. I'm not good at waiting and being patient.

My doctor will be out of town this week and I didn't think it would affect me but for some reason I feel uneasy about it. I can always leave a message for him and he said he would call back but I wouldn't want to do that - for some reason I feel like I should be able to handle myself for such a short period of time - this is ridiculous. Maybe that's part of what is making me feel anxious as well.

I have to take my dog in for surgery today and that's making me a bit anxious. I tell myself it's something that has to be done but she's just a puppy and with as silly as it sounds, when I look at her and know what they have to do, I feel so guilty. I know it has to be done but it makes me so upset - but I guess it would make anyone upset that is a pet lover. I'll keep you posted on her progress.

I feel anxious about a friend of mine - her husband is sick. I'm so worried about her. She's Bipolar and with her husband being I'll, I worry about her as well. I've been trying to give her some space and not call too often because I think her husband is still at home recovering from his hospital stay. I pray that everything turns out alright and he's OK. They need each other so much.

Well that's all for now. Keep you posted!